Another way to pray
Friend, how are you holding up? These days it’s hard to keep up with what is happening in the world, not for a lack of information, but a lack of capacity, a lack of human ability to process so much suffering, chaos, challenge to the Rule of Law.. As I mentioned in my last letter, there is wisdom in setting boundaries and gatekeepers around what media we let invade our mental space, our time.
I was reminded of this yesterday when I found myself in the middle of my gym workout reading an Atlantic piece that just had me incredulous and fuming, not to mention distracted from being present in the moment. Maybe a better way for me to be in the world is NOT multi-tasking at the gym or wherever I am, but protecting my time to be completely embodied and present. I know that I don’t need to fill each idle moment with checking my phone for updates, and yet, there I was, during my rest break watching my heart rate rise over the state of our union once again.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about how to pray these days. I read this Psalm this morning and it became my timely prayer-
I lift my eyes to you, O God, enthroned in heaven, we keep looking to the Lord for his mercy…..Have mercy on us, Lord have mercy, for we have all had our fill of contempt. We have had more than out fill of the scoffing of the proud and the contempt of the arrogant. Psalm 123
But sometimes even words are not enough for our prayers. Or maybe the words just completely elude us when we are in the midst of grief and suffering. A few weeks ago one of my dearest friends witnessed and experienced something so tragic and horrific it was almost beyond words. I cried with her on the phone, but what else? What could I possibly offer her in the aftermath of trauma and tragedy?
We joke about our society’s quick and seemingly empty offering of “thoughts and prayers” not really getting the job done, soothing the ache or fixing the underlying societal issues. In that moment on the phone with my friend, did I have anything to offer other than thoughts and prayers? Maybe. Dinner? My presence to her in her grief?
I think often about how our feelings are stored in our bodies- in the cells and sinews, bones and cavities and muscles. Emotion is an energy that doesn’t just disappear, but often shows up as dis-ease, disorder, pain. Years of neglecting emotions will inevitably lead to chronic pain and physical (and potentially emotional and spiritual) suffering.
Our bodies have so much to teach us if we attend to them, learn to listen to them. Learning how to first pay attention to our bodies- to notice the stories and sirens and secrets they offer us, and also how to move those feelings through our bodies is such a life- giving skill.
That pit you get in your stomach when you’re around that person but can’t explain?
The sense that something is off in a conversation or place and you can’t quite put your finger on it but you know you need to leave?
The inexplicable exhaustion you might feel as your body’s way of forcing you to slow down and rest?
The pull and desire to be outside on a spring day, face turned to the sun and skin embracing warmth for the first time in months?
These are all ways your body is talking to you. My friend knows this, and also in the midst of her grief was deeply caring for and mothering others affected by it. It’s all too easy to forget to listen to our body’s needs and messages when we are also attending to the needs or grief of others.
Without words that felt sufficient, I offered her this song as a prayer for her whole self, body included. I invited her to hum, groan, ache along with it and give voice to whatever came out of her. I also shared this with my spiritual direction cohort in prayer a few weeks ago, when I just felt like my prayers were beyond words.
I'm reminded about the encouragement in the book of Romans telling us that "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." -The Message
And now I offer this song to you. I invite you to listen to it and let it be a prayer for all the unspoken things in your heart and spirit. Hum or groan or sing or weep along with it, let your body pray. If you hum along with it, notice what that feels like. (Spoiler- It feels really good!) I recently read about how healing the act of humming can be for our nervous systems. The gift is built in by design! Let these wordless sighs and aching groans be the prayer the Spirit prays in us when we don't know how to pray. Amen.
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